A friend was just over for a Christmas dinner and shocked everyone by telling us that she had just spent 24-hours in jail. She got out 5 days before Christmas and was then re-united with her three children.
She had gotten in a fight with her husband. He was yelling so loudly and abusively that the neighbors called the cops. When the cops arrived she retreated from the front porch to let her husband tell the story. She assumed that the cops would just go away if they both seemed calm.
She did not know that a new law forces the cops to arrest one of the couple where domestic violence is suspected. They arrested her. She was in complete shock as she was put in the patrol car, leaving behind her children.
This law was intended to quash anger at the way police have traditionally ignored the danger to women of domestic violence. The law is now helping throw women in jail, a sign that laws alone will not end sexism or domestic violence. In this situation, the husband is almost 300 pounds, she half that. Yet our friend was dragged off to the holding cell.
This was the worst experience of her life, but also an education. “Any of us can slip into this situation” she explained. The conditions were awful, with not even enough room to sit down and she never got offered an ounce of food in 24 hours. Yet the solidarity of the women was overwhelming. She was inspired by so many tough, down and out, and decent women. One woman was crying, talking on the payphone and another waded through the elbows and bodies to give her a couple of sheets of toilet paper to wipe her eyes.
Our friend was able also find some levity in her experience. She joked that a bigger lady took a liking to her and so there was no way she was going to get beaten up. She was moved three times in her 24-hour stint and tongue-in-cheek boasted she had got two nicknames in her short stay.
Her husband has now left the home and she will once again be victimized. This time the assailant will be the economy and the disadvantage of her gender. She cannot afford to feed and cloth her kids, pay the rent, pay for daycare for the twins and all out of one wage.
Her friends have closed ranks to help her. One couple offered her a room to stay at their house. Another is taking the kids to give her a break. Another stayed over last night to listen, share and be there. She will not be alone.
Capitalism is devastating to families. Its priorities destroy people and families. Its economy will create pain and anxiety in every direction in the period ahead. But for women, and for children, things will be worse. And for the men that were raised to think that being able to manage a successful career is all the tools you need in life, they will spend many lonely nights in their emotionally immature world. Capitalism and its stepchild, sexism, wrecks human relations.
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