Some
years ago I published some notes I found after my mother had a stroke
that led to her death. She described the stress she dealt with when my father
drank. The aggressive posturing, fists raised, insults and never being sure
whether she should speak or stay silent as either one could make him angry.
Like my friend's comments below, she said she was always walking on
eggshells. The author is a friend I have known for some years and the
comments speak for themselves. In my mother's time she said the shame and
society meant these things stayed in the home. But it's always better to share
your experiences so other victims of domestic violence get to see they are not
alone and it's not their fault. RM
*********************
I
don’t talk about this much but I was in a very toxic relationship for 9 1/2
years with the father of my kids. I walked away torn and broken to pieces. I
was 40 pounds overweight and having to seek therapy to save myself and my kids.
It
was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do but if I stayed I knew I’d never be
happy and my kids would think that it is OK to grow up in a household where the
parents are constantly at each other‘s throats. That is not normal!! Most
people put up with it and go through the motions for the children but from my
experience that’s not the best move. It can cause long-term trauma.
It didn’t help that their father was abusing alcohol and suffered from childhood trauma himself so I was always walking on egg shells. He was never physically abusive with me but he would get in my face and scream and me like he was a drill sergeant and him being six feet three inches tall against my five feet eleven and a half was very intimidating so the mental and emotional abuse that I went through for those 9 1/2 years took it’s toll on me.
Even given all of what he put me through I still love the man I spent nearly a decade with him and he is the father of my children. This is the first time I speak of this but I have never demeaned him on social media and will never. I am only speaking for the women out there that think that they should stay for the sake of the children but in reality they need to think long term affects.
Four years ago on Mothers Day I left having to start all over again with my two children one being six and one being 10 months old. It was definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do but I have been blessed with a great partner who adores me, treats me like a queen and loves my children. I never thought I’d see the day. I’ll be 40 in November And I can finally say that I am the happiest I have ever been.
It didn’t help that their father was abusing alcohol and suffered from childhood trauma himself so I was always walking on egg shells. He was never physically abusive with me but he would get in my face and scream and me like he was a drill sergeant and him being six feet three inches tall against my five feet eleven and a half was very intimidating so the mental and emotional abuse that I went through for those 9 1/2 years took it’s toll on me.
Even given all of what he put me through I still love the man I spent nearly a decade with him and he is the father of my children. This is the first time I speak of this but I have never demeaned him on social media and will never. I am only speaking for the women out there that think that they should stay for the sake of the children but in reality they need to think long term affects.
Four years ago on Mothers Day I left having to start all over again with my two children one being six and one being 10 months old. It was definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do but I have been blessed with a great partner who adores me, treats me like a queen and loves my children. I never thought I’d see the day. I’ll be 40 in November And I can finally say that I am the happiest I have ever been.
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