Forty-odd years later, Dave is now 51 years old. He is a very skilled blue collar worker. His job is still repairing car bodies, which he's done since he started his apprenticeship at 15.
As a teenager he taught me about socialism and when to stand up for what's right, and when and how to fight. Later in life, he had 3 girls and I watched and learnt from him how to be a good dad.
Yesterday he suffered the greatest tragedy any parent can imagine suffering. His daughter had struggled with cancer for the majority of her 24 years and died in the family home last night.
All day yesterday the house was full of his daughter's friends coming to see her. School friends, work friends all came by to see her. David had carried her into her bedroom earlier in the day, like you would a sick child. The last time I spoke to her was on the phone on Christmas Day when she emerged from the bathroom having thrown up the small amount of Christmas dinner she'd eaten. And then again yesterday, her pain so severe, she drifted in and out of consciousness on great waves of pain killers.
I spent some time on the phone with David. It was the middle of the night for him, but the family were all up. The family didn't want to go to bed because no-one wanted to get up the next day with their sister and daughter not in the house.
We spoke about work and the economy too. He mentioned how he'd probably take a couple of weeks off from the non-union auto shop where he works. His voice became angry. He had taken off early from work yesterday and would eventually have to tell the boss that he would be taking time off. He said he could hear his money-grubbing voice ask, 'will this be out of your vacation time?'
Dave mentioned that when he took time off for our mother's funeral last year, on his return to work the boss had asked if Dave wanted his time off taken out of his vacation time. He replied to the boss, "No I fucking don't. You owe me fucking compassionate leave." Compassionate leave is the law in Britain, but one that employers routinely ignore. "I was the first worker at the job to get them to pay the 3-day compassionate leave," Dave told me. He then reflected on his own situation. "If I was rich I wouldn't have to think about keeping my job or how much time off I need. But I'm not."
I have a photo of my older brother on the fridge with his fist in the air with a huge mural of Che in the background. It was from a vacation he once took to Cuba. He is still a socialist.
In a genuine democracy people's needs will come first and the greed of a minority will come last.
RIP Autumn Rooke (9/11/85 -1-27-10)
Always full of courage, humor and love
1 comment:
I am sitting here in my local coffee shop with my daughter in law,and my youngest grandchild who is 8. She is on the way to dropping him off for school and often stops to see me on the way.
I just told them both about this tragedy Rob writes about here. Yesterday my son came around to pick my grandson up from my house as I get him from school in the afternoons. My son is 30 now, he is a Union plumber. I came to the door and he was standing there, slightly balding, with a beard and muddy boots that prevented him from coming in.
I was a single parent which was a wonderful experience for me, it brought us closer together and allowed me to experience things with him that normally are reserved for mothers.
I walked out to him, gave him a big hug and kissed him---he is still my baby. I told him how much I loved him, which, as is so often the case, I don't say enough. He knows it but we need to say these things. He asked me if I was alright.
I don't obsess about it but one of the most horrific and painful thoughts is the death of our child, parents are not supposed to outlive their children.
People that don't have children often cannot understand the love you have for them. I would have no hesitation killing to save my child and would willingly give my life to save his; I always figured that these powerful feelings must be more the greater in women who birth them.
My friend and I always used to say that if our kid was Jeffrey Dahmer or Ted Bundy it wouldn't change. Yes he should be put away and society protected from his madness, but he's my kid, he's sick and I love him, my kid the serial killer.
Human beings are strong, we can survive terrible tragedy and recover, but I cannot imagine that losing a child does not take a huge chunk of our substance away.
It is good that Autumn could pass on in her home and surrounded by those that loved her.
My condolences to Rob, his brother and all those who knew Autumn.
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